I am the blind man. I am the leper. I
am the paralytic. I am the dead man. I am the one you have walked by
every day without a second thought. I am the untouchable.
I am the tax collector. I am the
learned religious hypocrite. I am the rich man who won't part with my
possessions. I am the one you have walked by every day and wished you
could be like. I am the man.
I am the betrayer. I am the doubter. I
am the simpleton. I am full of fear. I am double-minded and fickle. I
am the one who walked with Jesus every day for 3 ½ years. I am the
disciple.
I am the doctor and the lawyer. I am
the addict and the convict. I am the well-to-do and I am the
destitute, I am the accuser and I am the accused. I am the
perpetrator and I am the victim. I am the preacher and I am the
atheist. I am you... and I am me. My name is mankind.
Alone, I am hopeless. Alone, I cannot
change my name. My name was chosen for me since the day that Adam
first tasted the fruit of disobedience. My depravity lies far deeper
than the forces of will or strength can affect. My name isn't simply
a collection of my experiences and personality traits that I can
trade or color or discard with effort. See, I have not been named by
the faces I have portrayed. My name is a stamp of my existence. My
name has created a separation from God that I cannot remedy alone.
Alone...
From the days of old, I have searched
and searched and searched for a way to change my name on my own. I
looked in the pleasures of this life, but the needle and the bottle
and riches and love- and all the swag this life had to offer... but
none of them could change my name.
I looked in the virtues of knowledge,
religion, benevolence, and ambition. In my piety I was flawless.
In regards to the law, I was perfect.
My discipline was unfaltering, my hands outstretched toward those in
need. If anyone could have earned a new name, it was me; and yet my
name remained unchanged.
In my frustration I began to find fault
in others. I began to lose hope. Society and government must be to
blame. How could I have a hope of changing my name in the times we
live in? The current was far too strong for one person to affect
change, so why even try.
And then, I considered this empty
grave, and the One who vacated it. I considered His claims, and I
considered His actions. I considered this thing called grace.... and
I asked myself, “What if?” What if I had been right in all of my
conclusions to this point? What if changing my name was never
something I could accomplish on my own? What if I could never earn a
new name, or run fast enough to get away from my old name? What if
changing my name had nothing to do with my efforts at all? What if
Jesus was the only way?
Yes, even as I considered this
possibility, I felt more free and alive than I had ever before; and
at the same moment I felt the crushing shame and guilt of having
denied this free gift of grace so many times. If it was true- if
salvation and life abundant was by grace through faith in this Jesus,
then why oh why would He accept someone with my name? Why would He
waste a gift so valuable on a man like me?
...And I found myself running again.
Funny, it felt the same as when I had tried to earn a different name;
the same as trying to cover up my name or get away from my name.
Certainly I could never qualify myself to receive grace; what if the
scandal is that I could never disqualify myself from being able to
receive grace? What if the ONLY thing holding me back was my
willingness to simply come; to simply believe?!
I'm still the man who was blind, I'm
still the well-to-do and the destitute. I'm still the learned man,
and I'm still the simpleton. I'm still the untouchable, and the
disciple, and I'm still the MAN... but now, because of Jesus Christ,
I have a different name. My name is forgiven. My name is restored. My
name is beloved! My name is son of the One True King! My name is
redeemed! My name is healed. My name is risen from the depths. My
name is unashamed! My name is paid in full!
